By the beard of Merlin.
Am I suddenly being overlooked by my peers?
I mean, would it hurt to drop a "Hey, we're going to ------- wanna join us? If you can't then never mind" message, right? Instead of just automatically assuming that I'm busy. I don't wanna instigate things because I'm not sure whether you want to be at home or not.
...
Okay, I'm being really trivial here. But all I want to do is be with my homies! *sigh* I know I didn't really go out last time and y'know, hang out but then...I had alot going on. Ugh, it's my fault, I guess, for making my life so reclusive. Nevertheless, a simple message won't hurt right? I hate missing out on the fun you guys have y'know. And seeing you guys having your crack fun without me was like a punch in the gut. I don't want my friends to drift apart from me because of my jackass attitude of staying at home. The thing is, just don't automatically assume crap about my decisions. They're mecurial. I could be feeling really cold this time and really hot the next. I'm not accusing you though! Like I said, it should be my arsey 'tude of staying home that made you guys think that.
Oh my gawd, this post makes me sound so selfish. Like my friends MUST tell me that they're going out. It's not like that!! I swear. I hate pressuring people like that. It's just that...Idk, there's this little hurt spot in my heart. I have to get my burden off me. Um...I guess all I'm just trying to get at is just to not simply assume that "I'm too busy for everything." Jeebus. You don't want me to go, just say so la. Or on second thoughts, DON'T. That's just dumb.
You know the irony? I'm super free during study leave, but everyone is just so quiet. Should I be the one to ask everyone to go out or something? Oh no wait, we have SPM. That's why I don't want to become the object of every parents' furiousness because I asked thier kids to go out. I'm even thinking about not asking anyone out on my birthday cuz we have to study. I don't even think I wanna celebrate my birthday anymore. I'm not really that jazzed about it...I think my homies aren't really that jazzed either, considering that SPM is in 2 weeks...why the fuck should I celebrate when we're all so pressured? Fuck SPM. Fuck my birthday. Fuck EVERYTHING.
Bloody hell.
